Jun. 30th, 2017

missmaven: MM (Default)
Very few of us were fortunate enough to be raised in a loving and supporting poly household. And even for those that were most of the movies they watched, books they read and relationships they saw were examples of how to monogamy.
We don't get a lot of examples on how to poly, so there's a lot of unlearning and learning to do.

When learning new behaviors or concepts you don't just pluck out the old and replace with the new. It's not a switch in the brain.
It's muscle memory (actually more neural pathway) and we have them because it makes life more efficient. I don't have to think through how to make my coffee in the morning or start my car, I've got it down. My brain just auto pilots.

In the same way, you've learned how to survive in a situation that no longer applies. You've developed an ingrained response, and a lot of these are so second nature we don't even realize we have them.
Trying to develop a new, more healthy way to do it is gonna take time and patience. Each time you practice the new, more healthy thought process it becomes a bit easier. Over and over again you have to mentally choose to respond with the new tactic. Until one day it becomes your go-to response. But even then, in times of stress, you're likely to fall back to those old habits.

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missmaven: MM (Default)
Miss Maven

July 2017

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