Irony

Sunday I was at a Nutcracker watching party. While hanging out a young lady, probably about 18 or so, stopped and looked me up and down, “I love your look!” It took me off guard but I thanked her.
Later she heard my name and found that amazing. There was something else too and she proclaimed I was fast becoming THE COOLEST person she’d ever gotten to meet.

It was flattering but a bit off-putting. Because to me, I’m just me. I dress how I want to look. I’ve had my name forever. I’m just me.

The irony is that Monday, yesterday was a really hard day. I had to drive back from Austin Sunday night and after chugging coffee to stay awake didn’t sleep well once I’d gotten home.
Add to that PMS that left me weepy, a bit of holiday depression, struggling with some slightly too strong urges for the new beau, a serious talk with the kiddo and… the day was just an emotional wreck.

It’s just ironic. Meet someone at a party, think they’re the coolest person in the world and, on paper, I’m sure they are. But their real people. They’ve got bad days just like everyone else.

And today is going to be one of those emotionally hungover days. It happens. We’re human, and humans have emotions.

Convo with the kiddo and other thoughts

Last night I found out that the kiddo messed up on something and I got to have one of those mom talks with him. The ones that start out with you reprimanding, then switching gears to coaching when you realize they already KNOW they fucked up.

Tonight it was:

You've got to have the hard conversations. When you mess up you can't just ignore it and hope it goes away. You've got to get uncomfortable and admit it.
That's how you build trust.
It's not by never fucking up. Everyone's gonna fuck up. You build trust by showing up, admitting your mistake and being accountable for it.

And as I was coaching him I realized that, in a nutshell, that's why my last relationship ended - he couldn't have those hard conversations. He couldn't admit to mistakes and be accountable for them. And it just... hit me hard. The loss.

The new beau has been amazing. Whenever there's something important to talk about he'll address it directly. As an example, one time he messaged me, "When you've got some time there's something important I need to talk to you about." I found the time and we talked. When I thanked him for telling me, he said, "That was the first thing I thought of. That I need to tell you."
It was that simple of a thought process for him.
It should be. It should be that simple.

I could go on and on about how awesome he is. The way he communicates, gives me space when I need it, or tells me that it made his day that I took the time to message him when he knew I was busy with other things. When I spend time snuggled up next to him the stress of the week just melts away.
And when I tell him about these things he says, "You laid it all out beautifully for me. It's easy to do it when you've told me that's what you need."
Things are going so well with him. I'm still a bit floored at how well really. It's a lot to take in. But I'll take it. :)