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The Game Changer
May. 4th, 2018 02:33 pmI recently read The Game Changer: A Memoir of Disruptive Love by Franklin Veaux.
Like many people in the poly community I've read More Than Two, and like many from the age of LiveJournal had been a follower of his tacit account and XeroMag site. To this day one of my favorite writings on poly is his essay Polyamory, Loss, and the Superhuman Soul.
I'm not sure what I expected from the memoir. Maybe I thought I'd gain some light into that looming fear that many poly people have of a new relationship going off the rails and radically changing a person you've grown to rely on, and in the end moving them in a direction that takes them farther from you. Maybe I hoped to find more meaning in the actions of my ex-husband in the months before our divorce.
I didn't expect to read about a man that was barely coming of age in his college years. He seemed so much more knowledgeable in his writings. It made me think back and realize that I found his writings a good 15 years after that, when he had become far more established in his lifestyle.
Franklin's Game Changer wasn't a new relationship, though he attributes the change to a person, it was a shift in priorities. It's the same thing I've been seeing grow in myself as well as the non-monogamous community over the years - a shift from a hierarchical and couple-centric to a more ethical and egalitarian approach to multiple relationships. His discription of his mistakes and growth gives remarkable insight and sensitivity to the process.
Like many people in the poly community I've read More Than Two, and like many from the age of LiveJournal had been a follower of his tacit account and XeroMag site. To this day one of my favorite writings on poly is his essay Polyamory, Loss, and the Superhuman Soul.
I'm not sure what I expected from the memoir. Maybe I thought I'd gain some light into that looming fear that many poly people have of a new relationship going off the rails and radically changing a person you've grown to rely on, and in the end moving them in a direction that takes them farther from you. Maybe I hoped to find more meaning in the actions of my ex-husband in the months before our divorce.
I didn't expect to read about a man that was barely coming of age in his college years. He seemed so much more knowledgeable in his writings. It made me think back and realize that I found his writings a good 15 years after that, when he had become far more established in his lifestyle.
Franklin's Game Changer wasn't a new relationship, though he attributes the change to a person, it was a shift in priorities. It's the same thing I've been seeing grow in myself as well as the non-monogamous community over the years - a shift from a hierarchical and couple-centric to a more ethical and egalitarian approach to multiple relationships. His discription of his mistakes and growth gives remarkable insight and sensitivity to the process.
There's more that the book made me think about that I'll probably write more in depth about at a later date. In the end it's not a how-to poly but rather a beautiful exploration into a poly life that made many of the common mistakes. And, like much of his writings gives the reader an insight in how, possibly to do it better. I'd recommend the read.
