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4 Types of Monogamy
Mar. 13th, 2019 07:29 pmWith non-monogamy, there's often a lot of focus on being sexually non-exclusive (both with the people in the relationship and with the media) but there are plenty of other areas in life we might assume or come to expect exclusivity. I really liked the way Designer Relationships broke down contemporary monogamy into four different types. It's given me a lot to think about and thought I'd share.
1. Sexual Monogamy – The choice to have sex with only one person. Previously there was an expectation to have one an only one sexual partner for the entire of your life. Society has shifted more towards serial monogamy, where people are sexually exclusive during each relationship.
This tends to be the focus and, at first glance, the most straight forward type of monogamy. But what classifies as sex? Various people will have different options on whether or not flirting, kissing, desiring for another person, masturbation, watching porn and even oral sex constitute being sexually exclusive.
2. Emotional Monogamy – Choosing to love or have a deep emotional connection to only one person, often with the expectation that you will not engage in any emotional connection that can be seen as a rival even if platonic in nature.
Healthy flirting can include acting in accordance with relationship agreements and expressing honest appreciation for another person. You may be engaging in an emotional affair if you are keeping your interactions secret, disparaging your partner, treating the newcomer as a confidant, or are excessively preoccupied with them.
A good rule of thumb is if you start to feel like you can't be honest about your actions or intent then give some serious thought as to why.
3. Social Monogamy – Who you choose to hang out with most of the time; go to events, share hobbies or communicate with. Presenting outwardly as together or a unit.
In the extreme, one partner controls the other's life and can not tolerate any outside friendships or interests whatsoever. This level is often seen as a form of abuse while milder forms are extremely common in contemporary society. Autonomous pursuits or outside interests are tolerated but not celebrated because the contemporary script is that our partner should be able to meet all of our needs. Seeking outside interests can be seen as there is something deficient in the relationship.
4. Structural or Practical Monogamy - Domestic arrangements and how people structure their lives. Cohabitation, finances, childcare, and other aspects of day to day living. The legal system is heavily screwed in favor of Structural monogamy and a nuclear family. Tax codes are designed to benefit married couples and families. On the local level limits are imposed on how many unrelated people can cohabitant. A few generations ago it was not unusual for multiple generations of family to live together.
- paraphrased from Designer Relationships by Michaels and Johnson
1. Sexual Monogamy – The choice to have sex with only one person. Previously there was an expectation to have one an only one sexual partner for the entire of your life. Society has shifted more towards serial monogamy, where people are sexually exclusive during each relationship.
This tends to be the focus and, at first glance, the most straight forward type of monogamy. But what classifies as sex? Various people will have different options on whether or not flirting, kissing, desiring for another person, masturbation, watching porn and even oral sex constitute being sexually exclusive.
2. Emotional Monogamy – Choosing to love or have a deep emotional connection to only one person, often with the expectation that you will not engage in any emotional connection that can be seen as a rival even if platonic in nature.
Healthy flirting can include acting in accordance with relationship agreements and expressing honest appreciation for another person. You may be engaging in an emotional affair if you are keeping your interactions secret, disparaging your partner, treating the newcomer as a confidant, or are excessively preoccupied with them.
A good rule of thumb is if you start to feel like you can't be honest about your actions or intent then give some serious thought as to why.
3. Social Monogamy – Who you choose to hang out with most of the time; go to events, share hobbies or communicate with. Presenting outwardly as together or a unit.
In the extreme, one partner controls the other's life and can not tolerate any outside friendships or interests whatsoever. This level is often seen as a form of abuse while milder forms are extremely common in contemporary society. Autonomous pursuits or outside interests are tolerated but not celebrated because the contemporary script is that our partner should be able to meet all of our needs. Seeking outside interests can be seen as there is something deficient in the relationship.
4. Structural or Practical Monogamy - Domestic arrangements and how people structure their lives. Cohabitation, finances, childcare, and other aspects of day to day living. The legal system is heavily screwed in favor of Structural monogamy and a nuclear family. Tax codes are designed to benefit married couples and families. On the local level limits are imposed on how many unrelated people can cohabitant. A few generations ago it was not unusual for multiple generations of family to live together.
- paraphrased from Designer Relationships by Michaels and Johnson
