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Everything's Not Awesome
Nov. 21st, 2019 08:36 amThe other day I was in the car with the kiddo and "Everything's Not Awesome" came on the radio. The kiddo sat and listed to it, then asked me to play it again when it was done. He's been having trouble with his school work and I think the song has a good message, and really got through to him.
I grew up in a house hold that was, simply put, not awesome. But I also grew up with a mother that flat out, could not handle things not being positive. She didn't want to acknowledge being sad, depressed, angry, or any other negative emotion. And THAT might very well be the jump off point of how she ended up with an eating disorder and a goth daughter. It's not healthy to completely suppress and ignore the bad days and feelings. You have to 'lean' into them, as Brené Brown says.
This verse in particular meant a lot to me:
For me, today's not a good day. I've been struggling with my emotions most of the week. Part of it is PMS. I don't have many symptoms but some times I get just... more emotional. But on top of that I have a friend currently going through a traumatic experience that I went through years ago. It's heartbreaking both to see her struggling with it and to have my own memories pull up all the pain and hurt.
On top of that I posted a really nice piece about Casey on FB - which should have lifted my mood, right? I'd been passively trying to write it since our one year in Oct. And actively trying to write it for the past week or so.
I did it, and I'm proud of myself but there is a bit of a vulnerability hangover from doing it.
I ended up getting on line and reading through some romantic love letter tips website to get a better idea of wording than "I think you’re swell. *finger guns*" which my brain kept defaulting to when I'd try to write. What I found, as I read through them was that just reading that stuff makes me really uncomfortable.
I have spent years clawing my way out of toxic and negative relationship dynamics. And in many ways I'm there. But I never taught myself how to think positively about the amazing things I've helped grow and foster.
That's really sad to realize.
So, next project is probably gonna be about honing my 'gushiness'. Because the people in my life absolutely deserve to be gushed over.
I grew up in a house hold that was, simply put, not awesome. But I also grew up with a mother that flat out, could not handle things not being positive. She didn't want to acknowledge being sad, depressed, angry, or any other negative emotion. And THAT might very well be the jump off point of how she ended up with an eating disorder and a goth daughter. It's not healthy to completely suppress and ignore the bad days and feelings. You have to 'lean' into them, as Brené Brown says.
This verse in particular meant a lot to me:
Everything's not awesome
Things can't be awesome all of the time
It's an unrealistic expectation
But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try
To make everything awesome
In a less idealistic kind of way
We should maybe aim for not bad
'Cause not bad, well that would be real great
For me, today's not a good day. I've been struggling with my emotions most of the week. Part of it is PMS. I don't have many symptoms but some times I get just... more emotional. But on top of that I have a friend currently going through a traumatic experience that I went through years ago. It's heartbreaking both to see her struggling with it and to have my own memories pull up all the pain and hurt.
On top of that I posted a really nice piece about Casey on FB - which should have lifted my mood, right? I'd been passively trying to write it since our one year in Oct. And actively trying to write it for the past week or so.
I did it, and I'm proud of myself but there is a bit of a vulnerability hangover from doing it.
I ended up getting on line and reading through some romantic love letter tips website to get a better idea of wording than "I think you’re swell. *finger guns*" which my brain kept defaulting to when I'd try to write. What I found, as I read through them was that just reading that stuff makes me really uncomfortable.
I have spent years clawing my way out of toxic and negative relationship dynamics. And in many ways I'm there. But I never taught myself how to think positively about the amazing things I've helped grow and foster.
That's really sad to realize.
So, next project is probably gonna be about honing my 'gushiness'. Because the people in my life absolutely deserve to be gushed over.
