Guilded

 

Made a comment on Reddit that got quite a bit of traction. It got submitted to BestOf and gilded. That's awesome, really made a wonderful night even better. But the responses are what made made me ~wibble~ with all the feels through out Saturday.

[My wife's ex-boyfriend is a douchebag. I feel caught in the middle of a cycle. How do I get out of that cycle? ]

( The post... )

I think my mom spent way too many decades waiting for my father to be someone he wasn't. Or rather she wanted him to be the part of himself that she liked, which he was, but he was also the part of himself that she didn't. People spend way too much time and energy waiting and wanting people to change into what works better for them. My mom was angry at my dad for a long time for failing to do that. I was too for awhile. We waste a lot of energy expecting that people should change.
Accepting someone for who they really are may be the greatest gift you can give, not just to them but to yourself. It frees you.
One of my favorite comments on the thread was simply this: "And now I let go. Because some things are indeed my choice."

 

Some people would call that forgiveness, I call it acceptance. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I've had the phrase "You should forgive [person]," used far too often as a cudgel to say "Get over your hurt and start being nice to them again," to ever think forgiveness is actually about myself and not them.

Over all the responses were a wonderful infusion and a much needed ego boost from some things that have been recently getting me down. I can totally sound like a rational person if I try. I joked with the person that submitted it to BestOf "Years of therapy and introspective personal growth have finally paid off. I can retire in luxury with all these up-votes!" Nope. Wait. Still got to go to the day job come Monday. But emotionally and mentally it was very helpful. 

A Reddit acquaintance turned real life friend had this to say:
"I had actually read through that thread right after it was posted, but didn't linger for the comments because the scenario in question had the feel of a post that would soon devolve into a trainwreck of negativity. I'm pleased to see that didn't turn out to be the case.
Your response is eloquent and highly profound, and it completely deserved the gold and bestof. You sound like an amazing mom and wife, and the internet would be a much better place if more people responded with your kind of caring attention to those who need help. Heck, the whole world is a better place for having someone like you in it. Kudos."

And yeah, I sound really emotionally intelligent in that post. But I'm still human and when the emotional turmoil of fear and insecurity start pumping through my veins I can be as foolish and primal as the next person. I'm copying the post here because I need to be reminded of my own words sometimes. Life get's so busy. We get so caught up in things.